The Northern Hemisphere is so 2008.

Live from LaLa Land.

Hi! I am so very pleased to let you know that I have arrived in LA safely…I’m not totally pleased to have left the Southern Hemisphere — if my family, friends and Hallie were over there I’d be happy to stay in Sydney forever — but in some ways it’s nice to be back. I am so over meat pies.

July 30th was the longest day of my life — I lived it twice. Remember back when this whole trip began and I lost a day, June 30th? The good ol’ International Date Line makes up for lost time on the way home…the first July 30th entailed a bus from Lake Tekapo back to Christchurch, a flight to Auckland and the flight to LA. When I woke up mid flight, it was July 30th all over again. A little too sci-fi for me.

So here I am…back in the states. Where are the glaciers? Where are the kangaroos? Where am I?! Luckily it’s the height of the Nordstrom semi-annual sale, and that’s a pretty good way to start getting readjusted, don’t you think?

Dear Emma Ben-Ari & D-Wij,

There happen to be some Gainesville natives on my tour bus today (yeah, ACR superstars!).  Never thought I’d be cruising the New Zealand coastline and struggling to keep up with Tim Tebow talk all at the same time…

Go Gators!

Try this.

I bet you 10 New Zealand dollars that if you ask any foreigner you encounter, regardless of where they come from, to imitate an American accent, they will hit you with one of the following phrases without skipping a beat:

• “Like, ohmigod!”
• “Seriously…”
• “Whatever, dude.”

My fellow Americans, this is not acceptable.  Let’s work together to indelibly intellectualize our global image — like, oh my god, seriously.

The fear has flown.

I don’t know what New Zealand has done to me, but I like it.  I’ve said it before and I will gladly say it again: it’s magic here.  No question, there’s something in the air or water or lamb pies or SOMETHING, but I had an experience today that I never ever ever thought I would or could: I jumped out of a freaking plane at 12,000 feet in the air, staring straight down at the icy and jagged peaks of Mt. Cook (the tallest mountain in the Southern Island) and Fox Glacier.  My lifelong fear of falling officially evaporated this morning — at a speed of about 200 kilometers per hour, in fact.  I will NEVER get tired of telling the following story, and I haven’t been this proud of myself in a long time. Ah!

It starts at dawn.  I woke up completely petrified and went out trembling to meet the van that was driving me out to the jump site.  At 6am it was pitch black outside and totally frigid.  NOT HELPING.  It was me and this cool guy Gavin from Ireland, who was also pretty nervous but trying not to show it.  I’m not kidding — I was so somber I felt like I was on the way to my own execution or something.  But I was here, I was doing it.  After all, I promised all of you guys I would, and I am nothing if not a woman of my word.

So anyway, despite being virtual strangers Gavin and I are basically clutching onto each other for dear life by the time we arrive and see the tiniest, most rickety looking airplane I’ve ever had the displeasure of encountering.  Like, this could have been the Wright Brothers’ beta model.  The instructors had us get in the plane to show us what would happen up in the air, and I simulated the jump.  Here’s what they expected me to do for the real jump: hang OUTSIDE the moving plane, holding onto nothing, staring down, attached to only the instructor’s chest with two metal clamps.  What the HELL?!  It was at that moment that I honestly almost pulled out.  I just could NOT handle the idea.  But I did it.  Gavin and I were in it to win it this morning, and in five minutes we were nervously giggling and taking pre-dive candid shots as we geared up in our jump suits (I got a sassy yellow one — his was just boring gray).  I was so anxious I was pacing.  I tied and re-tied my shoe laces a few times.  I thought about my family and my dog and I was just making myself crazy in my head.  I couldn’t stop thinking, maybe I’ll just SAY I did it and go grab a coffee?  But no.  Not my style — I was committed.  I literally signed my life away on several forms, affirming that if I were to ‘not survive’ that I would hold no one responsible.  Things got extra tenuous and stressful when I had to declare my next of kin. (Emma Ben-Ari, for future reference that would be you — but after this epic and expensive journey I’ve been on, my only considerable remaining asset is Hallie.)

Alright, moving along.  So, we’re geared up, forms are signed.  The propeller starts and we hop in the plane.  No turning back now, not at all.  Nowhere to go but up and then DOWN — fast.  I was so completely scared at this point that I was verging on paralysis and cursing the concept of gravity.  A lot of details of the take-off escape me, honestly.  I know I was probably cold but I don’t have much sensory memory.  As we ascended Gavin and I were told to look out over Mt. Cook and Fox Glacier, but we were both just so freaked that we continued to clutch each other’s hands and tried to remain breathing.  Soon we were going up through clouds, higher and higher and at that point…I literally just snapped out of the fear.  I was going to jump out of this plane whether I was scared or not.  No amount of my own self-produced anxiety was going to do anything to minimize the impact of the imminent fall, so I consciously chose to be present and aware and take in this experience that I’d never have again.  I boldly emerged from my sheer terror and looked out around me in time to catch a perfect peachy-pink sunrise coming up over the mountains, crisp, clean snow for miles in every direction, and a postcard-worthy bird’s eye view of one of the most prized and famous natural wonders in the entire world — Fox Glacier.  And I wasn’t scared anymore, not at all.  My newfound ability to choose acceptance over fear is probably the most poignant and empowering take away from the entire day.

But wait, there’s more.  Back to the action.  So at this point, the airplane door opens and it’s just loud and windy and we see the propellers going and MAYBE I start to get nervous again a little bit — but it’s just the adrenaline starting to gush.  As I’m getting my goggles and gloves on, I see my new best friend Gavin scoot to the edge of the plane, attached to his instructor, of course.  He starts to tilt out and suddenly he’s FULLY OUT OF THE PLANE, attached to the only semblance of safety by nothing more than those two little clamps!  12,000 feet in the air!  Half a second later he and his instructor tumble out of the plane.  They were just gone.  Disappeared.  I think at this point all blood stopped coursing through my body for a few moments, and I’m pretty sure that if you had opened my scalp up and glanced at my brain, it would have looked like a TV lacking reception: that gray snowy effect and white noise.  But I didn’t have any time to process what I had just seen, because all of a sudden it was ME dangling from a strange man’s chest high up in the air, arms crossed with nothing at all below, above or next to me.  He tapped me on the head just like we practiced, which was my signal that we were clear for the jump.  All I remember is closing my eyes, taking a deep breath and before I knew it I was upside down in mid-air, tumbling as if I was swimming up in the stratosphere.  I opened my eyes just in time to see the plane zooming away from us, and then we were FALLING face first…at a rate equivalent to passing a seven story building every second for almost 60 seconds.  I just screamed…I did my best to look around as if I was actually in normal circumstances, but my body knew this was NOT normal…it was so windy up there that my cheeks started to wobble.  The speed was beyond exhilarating, but I never actually felt like I was FALLING until I noticed how close the glaciers were getting, at an alarmingly rapid pace.  All too soon (or not soon enough?) my instructor pulled the parachute, yanking me back upright and halting the free fall…and I was just floating…peacefully…over glaciers and snow and trees…it was so calm at that point that I was able to take my own photos as I descended (I even got a few shots from above of Gavin’s landing!).  It was pretty surreal.  As I got closer to the end all I remember was shrieking “I did ittttttttttttt! Ohhh myyyyyyyy Goddddddddddddddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” like an insane person, over and over.  Sydney, I hope I didn’t wake you all the way over there.

When I actually landed I kissed the ground.  Literally.  Gavin and I ran to each other like they do in movies and danced like giddy assholes for a solid few minutes.  Seriously, once you jump out of an airplane with someone, you’re bonded for life.  I was beaming and warm and energized and confident and fearless, and everything I wanted to be on this trip.  I DID IT.  I cannot believe I can tell you with full candor that I’ve been effing skydiving.  Never thought it would happen but it has changed me immeasurably and permanently.

So, who’s going to watch the DVD?!

We finally made up.

New Zealand, I’m really glad I don’t have to spend another single minute being mad at you.  I think we’re back on track after a few anticlimactic days. 

I finally got out of Greymouth hell this morning and hit the road for Franz Josef, a tiny little alpine town with like, two motels, a bar and a gas station.  I’ve officially kicked off the bus tour portion of the trip, and so I’m making travel buddies from all over, which is cool (I never would have survived Greymouth without them).  Today we rolled into FJ at about noon and I immediately headed out for a glacier hike!  Oh New Zealand, you really did good.  You’re terrible at cities but the South Island’s raw, untouched, natural beauty makes me overlook everything in the last few days.  Driving from one place to another feels like being at the bottom of a big salad bowl, as all you see around you are sloping mountain ranges and big, open sky.  I can’t believe how much space there is in the world.  I am really enjoying seeing the sky for once. 

We drove by lakes today that look like mirrors because there’s just no one around to disturb them.  The roads are typically totally empty.  There are only about four million people who live in New Zealand, and about half of them live in or around Auckland, so some of the towns down here in the South have populations of about 300 or so.  There are more people in my apartment building!

So, ok.  The glaciers.  My body is completely sore.  I truly had no idea how physically exhausting a four hour glacier climb would be, but it was incredible.  It was so cold up there (Sydneysiders, this would be a very inopportune time to remind me how unseasonably warm it is over there right now) but by the time I reached the top I was moving so quickly and working so hard that I had to strip down a few layers.  I can’t even describe what it’s like to literally climb ice.  I had these clamp things on my feet that provide a lot of traction, so even though I was terrified of falling I never did.  In retrospect, I think walking a mile in stilettos is probably more intrepid.  Got some great pictures which I will share soon!

Speaking of intrepid…I’m going skydiving TOMORROW.  I am so beyond terrified that I’ve just got to face the fear and effing do it.  Actually, I’m diving OVER the glaciers — and not to brag or anything, but Franz Josef is the only place in the world other than Mt. Everest where you can do anything like this.  How cool is that?

I’ll be skydiving at 7am on Sunday, NZ time.  This corresponds to the following times around the globe:

• New York: 3pm (Sat.)
• LA: 12pm (Sat.)
• Chicago: 2pm (Sat.)
• UK: 9pm (Sat.)
• Australia: 5am (Sun.)

If you are awake at this time in your respective geographical location, please send me positive energy!  This has long been my number one fear, and I’m doing it because…if I can jump out of a plane, I know I can do anything.  I want that feeling so much — that’s what this trip is all about, after all.  I appreciate the support!

I’ll let you know how it goes :)